omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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