I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
My feet surprised me
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize