I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
You have to summon your inner elephant
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
