So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
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