But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
