this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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