I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
You smell like a Billy Joel song
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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