You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
