Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Randomize
