Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
