I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
