Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
