It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
