Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
