a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
