I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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