I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize