what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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