im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
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