you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
