Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
