i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Randomize
