Pants 0. Shit 1.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
The struggles of a small town man whore
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
