hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Dear god my vagina.
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