Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
