I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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