I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
