Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Randomize
