fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
