I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
