and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
You can't motorboat a personality
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Randomize
