He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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