I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
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