I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
