I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Randomize
