This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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