Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
