he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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