why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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