Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
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