She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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