ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
