I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
