WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I think I have vodka in my lungs
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
