Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
My vagina just recognized that song.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Randomize
