One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
