why didn't you poke me back
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
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