It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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