i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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