between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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