mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
