That's intense
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
God, I missed his penis.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
