The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
