..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
