I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
