I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
