He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Randomize
