my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Randomize
