sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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