if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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