If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Randomize
