We need to rekindle our bromance
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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