Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
