Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
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