You smell like a Billy Joel song
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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