i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
