You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
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