He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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