she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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