bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
