it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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