I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
