your room smells of hookers.
And success
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
