I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
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