But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
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